on the magical isle of Koh Phangan. We’re jamming and writing and producing.

Shit’s happening too fast to keep up, but in short, we took over the spot where Kirtan people usually play their soft meditation music on Zen beach, to have a crazy epic dance sunset jams. It was so wonderful. But now there’s beef between the ‘yogis’ and the ‘hippies’.

Nij got into a motorbike accident (again) with some chick who ruptured her spleen, but he got off with an ankle sprain. There’s debate as to whether he is lucky or not…

I might have a regular gig at l’Alcove, still waiting for confirmation!

Trying to open for Jimi and his band at Rasta Home on Friday nights.

The videographer Rod is helping organize. Everyone is helping me, everyone believes in me! You should see how many people come up to me to thank me for my music! And i keep getting asked why i’m not signed yet… I guess that’s a good sign!

It’s getting so much better and easier to be myself!

But i watch videos of me sometimes and i think ‘who is this confident girl?’

Not me…

Someone i invented, perhaps.

But the soul needs the body, and the body needs the soul, so i let them meet.

Anyway… There are soooo many hotties here it’s amazing.

I was talking to this lovely adorable german boy and he was my favourite and his name was Fritz!

It freaked me out though that he looked just like Felix and they’re both German, and they both have cat names. And they are both soooo cute.

But out of all the boys in the world, the german ones are the ones that i find the most cute.

Anyway the videographer Rod is really cute too. When i first met him i went ‘wow…’ In my head.

But he doesn’t seem interested in me at all!

I feel kinda awkward around him!

He’s gorgeous and cool and charismatic and successful and it seems like we should get along so great and hang out, but as you know i’m so shy, and he … Likes me for sure, but he can probly tell that I LIKE him and it probably puts him off, maybe because he’s a busy man and stuff, or maybe he’s gay. It’s way too soon to say, but i get the weirdest vibes from him, so i’m gonna stay away.

I’m aware that i have a really strong presence. I’m loud and i sing and i’m rude and i have this big hair… It’s so weird, it’s like the inner me is a shy quiet soft soul that just likes to cuddle and smile, but the outer me comes across

So Crazy! I don’t understand it!

I really want a guy that can see through all that shit and look inside me and really see that actually i just want to be held and kissed and belong to someone, and be quiet and wise… I guess that’s why i love Ludwig still. He is that. He saw me. And i wrote so many songs about him. How special he is to me. There’s only one like him. 

It’s been months since i heard from him but i know our love is still really powerful. He’s a very special creature. He’s the one i want to open up to.

He ‘s the one that i want to see the real me. And forget about this crazy girl who just can’t help herself but to scream all the things that other people don’t wanna hear. And force those motherfuckers to listen, because for so long she’s been told to shut the fuck up, and now she doesn’t shut the fuck up any more. She says it. She sings it. She cries it. She screams it. And people listen.