I’m happy in my little hut. I’m working almost every day in different resorts and restaurants. I only make like 40$ each time but it’s enough to survive here.

I think i’ll be able to make money camming too.. i just have a shitty internet connection, so i have to buy 3g from 7/11.

It’s just sometimes i feel really sexy and excited, and sometimes i feel disgusted, with myself and the world.

Yesterday, me Nij and Casa went to this sunset goddess ceremony and it was so lame. They had us throwing petals into the shrine to set our full moon intentions, and then we did a call to the goddess, which had people grabbing their ‘sex’ and smiling to it.

I was not down. My ‘sex’ was bleeding and i just wanted to get out. Which i did because I had a gig.

Later on, I heard that after I left, the leader, Shashi, was loudly having orgasms while everyone else was talking bout their intentions or something.

Part of me would’ve liked to witness it for entertainment purposes, but most of me would not have been able to handle it. I’m really not comfortable with these type of ‘spiritual’ orgies, butt chakra opening practices and goddess ceremonies. Don’t know why, just not. 

Feels fake.

But then me i like to get naked on the INTERNET for dirty pervs to gawk and pay me money.

To each his own, i say.

Just keep me away from these cults. They feel so icky!

The gig was really fun! Mathieu played cajon with me. I knew he liked me but yesterday he put his cards on the table and told me he’s interested in a relationship. He told me he loves me and kept kissing my hand and i liked it of course.

He’s not that cute but he’s not that bad and he is very sweet. I just love it when guys show me that they are really interested. I love those puppy dog eyes. I fall for that shit right straight quick!

But i told him i can’t be committing to people or belong to anyone, or answer to anyone, or do anything that I don’t feel like doing, basically, but i’m down to have fun, and if he wants to have fun with me, that would be nice.

He seems to be cool with it but the guy is so intense! You should see him talking. He just doesn’t shut it.