I don’t really want to, to be honest. It’s interesting when you get into it and you have so many people loving you… and then you get these guys on cam 2 cam, and you can see them stroking their floppy thing around! And the money is rolling in!

And you’re like… this is real? This is happening? And you don’t really understand, and you don’t really care. You’re just glad to be doing life your way. And making things that used to be impossible possible.

But it’s not really what i want. It’s a part of me but it’s not really me. Whoever that is…

Yesterday i spent the whole day with Mathieu. It was so nice. We had sex five or six times.

He’s like me, he always wants to do it.

We told each other that we love each other.

But he was sad because i’m gonna leave him soon. I don’t want to be sad. I wanna be happy that i got to know someone really special. Someone that loves me!! It’s the most amazing feeling in the world!

He thinks I’m wonderful. Even if i’m weird and needy and childish and moody and i don’t want to talk about the past and i don’t want to talk about sex.

Just like I am! He loves me…

And he told me that i’m a wonderful girl and I deserve to be loved!!!

I want to cry.