I’m a nidiot. I thought my flight to Berlin was at 2pm but it was at 2am.

It frustrates me to no end to even think about it, so i will be brief.

Mathieu called me and i told him i missed my flight, and he was so sweet. He told me not to worry, everything is alright and he would fly me back to KP if i wanted and take care of me and figure it out.

When i started crying my eyes out, he, against his own desires, offered to lend me the money to buy a new ticket to Europe. 400€!!! He was so upset, said he was shooting himself in the foot to send away the woman he loves, but he couldn’t bare to see me sad so he did it out of love.

I was so touched. No man has ever loved me so much. I am so honoured to have him in my life.

The next day i came back to the airport, and as i was checking in, there was some kind of glitch and i couldn’t get on the plane because i hadn’t been assigned a flight number!

I missed it again!!!

What the fuck! Something was holding me back.

I think i subconsciously do not want to leave Mathieu. I love him so much and it hurts me so much to leave the unconditional love i feel in his arms, and to hurt him by leaving him! But it’s the right thing to do. i know it..

I have to be myself. I have a destiny to fulfill!

So i worked it out with the agency, kiwi.com, and they booked me the same flight again, the next day.

I stayed over in the airport all day and night, 24 hours, reading, watching movies, speaking with Mathieu every few hours… He wrote me a beautiful poem about how much our love means to him. I cried on the airport floor next to the charging station, with my blue blanket around me.

Finally i got on the plane this morning, or yesterday.. don’t know. Time makes no sense to me anymore. I’m at the Moscow airport waiting for my flight to Berlin. I have to say that last flight was among the best i ever had, with Aeroflot. They fed us twice, some delicious airplane food, with vanilla ice cream in between, and we each had our own tv screen with a huge selection of movies. I watched Trolls (amazing), a really good Korean movie with a super hot guy in it, and Bridget Jones Baby, which was ok, i guess, but pushing the franchise a bit too far. Plus the guy sitting next to me had his seat switched, so i had 2 seats to myself for most of the flight (yes!).

So here i am. I talked to Mathieu this morning and he was crying.

I really hope I’m doing the right thing here.

I love him but i don’t feel like i can be only his. I wanna flirt and meet other guys! I wanna be myself. I need freedom and alone time to do my music and be independant. But it doesn’t change what i will always feel for him. He’s my hero and my Prince Charming. I’ve never been so loved and it’s the warmest, sweetest feeling of my life. Being in his arms and feeling his kisses all over my body, just being loved, just because i’m his petite poulette…

Omg. Have you ever been so loved? It’s the greatest dream I have ever had come true.